SOrRyGod

 Dear God,

It's 3am. I have exam. I have not done the slides.

God, somehow I lost hope; hope for the future... I mean, I've tried so hard in my life, only to have things that seem to work out but maybe not?

God, I should focus and do my best for you; not to sin, but to spend time with you here alone and obey you. Thank you for the peaceful night time alone with you right now, because all these time I have alone with you, I really sincerely enjoy it and treasure it and am happy to be just able to talk to you.

God, how long is my life? Why do I feel like I am wasting it away? I want to do my best for you, I want to serve you and all; why didn't I just chose to be a pastor from young? Somehow I just wanted to be in the world, for you and come back later (ideally). Wanted to get married but still single, wanted to earn lots of money not for myself but for my parents and for your work, but atlas I'm just a poor old unfilial son :'(

Am I so bad for any girl truely? The girl that was originally nicest to me and the closest got stolen from me right in my eyes, I let her in only to say that I was wrong and weird and a 'creep'. I just wanted to be a normal guy, is it that so hard? I wanted to get married young, it was written to settle and all.. but the past 20 years I have been stagnant, and, I'm sorry God, sorry about it. I didn't mean to.

God, today argued with her; why God, why do I have to spend so much time and energy and all, only to have her like another and all and even say such things to me... i know i didn't do online sex like that guy with her, but why would she even when his words are so sweet? Why do girls fall for such guys? Can't she seee what is real, Lord? Wasn't I sincere and all. Maybe I'm old fashioned or not and keep my distance, feelings to myself sometimes, but I really did try my best to love the Christian way, as much as possible. I know I'm not perfect, I did things I shouldn't, God I want to be good to you, didn't you say that if one cannot control he should marry? It feels like I've tried so much and its all bottled up inside of me, I would like to have a normal decent income, get married have a family and all and do your work, is it too much to ask for? Want to serve you and live life, want a partner I love who loves me (Don't she love me, at first? Why even chose sex and say such things to me, sho sad, please forgive her if she forsake u in anyway too, on my behalf, please merciful Lord).

God sorry for idol if I replaced u in anyway, but you are always first in my heart and life and I'm sure she can see that.. God I don't have much time left, I would like to ask for strength, energy, perseverence, wisdom knowledge, understanding, etc and good time management and able to read and understand fast, focus for this coming exam. Its my last chance and I really need rest to recharge. God, it 10 credits and I do not want to just pass but to get the best grade I can, for you. I promise to work harder once I get this. I pray that everything I do from now on, is to honour you, help me not to do anything more that is bad. God, please continue to provide me in anyway, a job later if need, whatever I need to finish this medical studies. I claim Psalm 91 that your favor will always be with me thoughout the years here. Also,whatever you want me to accomplish here for your kingdom, I would like to do it; let me have a change of personality first, with someone whom I really love and click with (you know, Lord)... I promise to change for the better, for you - first, help me to obey you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.