7/6/2024 - a wish for renewal

Dear God,

I know you are the God of good things, you are the creator of heaven and earth, of man and animals, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end.

I also know that all things work for the good of those who love him, I know that all good things come from you and I also know that what happened recently in my life, right here where I am now, is not by chance or luck, but that it is your divine appointment. God, thank you for the chance of my current situation, of even being here, please forgive me for being angry/mad at you for what happened in year one, but I thank you that I still can be provided for here, sorry for wasting time and I just pray God, please continue to provide for me because I do not have money or resources to study this course finish, and also to continue to grant me the energy, wisdom, knowledge, understanding, the ability to study for you to be a good doctor, for real life and once again I ask for help in the exams, grant me whatever i need to pass it, and if possible to pass it with a good grade not to boast myself, but to honour you, and honour my parents. God I know time is short, grant the grace for my parents especially to come here for my graduation. Also, Lord, like to ask for your favour and divine grace for this semester, if u don't hear me cries, at least hear the cries and pleds for the people praying for me and for the OA community where I promise to help as a doctor as much as I can. God I am so tired I'll take a short rest, refresh me and grant me what I need.

Also pray for this special girl you put in my life, God forgive me if I put her first sometimes instead of you, but God you are always first in my life..God forgive me what I did to her and make her angry and all, hurt her all. God thank you that she's the one I'm looking for all these years, she tick all the boxes, even in the area of sex where I least expected it(with another, so sad but she's everything I want and I do home I'm that for her too,that she'll know me more and accept me as I truly am)... God, she is willing to do your work and be closer to you, that is one good trait I value, idk I would like to build a life with her but the current circumstances, she got snarch away from me somehow, and idk what is happening but God, I know you're in control even if it's satan's work.. but you are in control in the end, esp if you want me and her to be together in the end cos this feeling and closeness we have for one another physically and emotionally is special and make it special for her too and God only you can change people's heart to you and your will if it's really meant to be. I promise to get away from all sexual things to and to really be a good person wholely if I have her, cos I know together with her, we can both grow together, esp the dreams I want from my heart to get married and have a family, with this girl especially cos I just want to be true to one person, only to obey you in this God and to take the responsibility.

God the crazy idea u put in my head.. bless the 'enemy' in this situation, am I really crazy just cos of love and to see her happy? If it is Lord, show me and provide me and I will do it. I do love her abba father, how do I even show her that I do love her and that she'll want to have a godly romantic relationship with me? Cos only u made sex and therefore it is good, but God I want to obey you and your constitution of marriage. Forgive me, by your grace. I love her.

So God my head and body is tired and I'm in bed yet.. haven't done the prep but like to ask u for rest and restoration and ability to really start, focus and study later for the sake of your honour and glory. God, see me through this semester as you always did in the past.. it's a long road but I'll do it for u, for financial stability and for the expansion of your kingdom for all I have, all along is yours, to use it for your honour and glory.