love, am I not good? do I don't deserve it after all I've done for her

Dear God,

Sorry I'm not good enough to be loved. Why am I not good enough to be loved by the closest person I've known in my life so far? Why would she choose someone online over me? What have I done wrong? Why did I even let it happen? What am I no good that she wouldn't choose me when she accepted me first all along and even assured me that I would be the one?

What did I do so wrong that I deserve to be only a friend, when I just want to get married and have a family like everyone else, a Christian one... Like, why would she even send pictures to him online or even let him convince that she loved him and have to be in a relationship with him? How do I even lose to someone younger when she was the only one that accepted me for who I am at first?

God how did a good thing like this between me and her, that I was here first, come to this? Should I have been more strong and forced my way like him so that she'll fall for me first? How did her heart even get stolen by him... Am I no good to date or play with people's feelings? I thought purity and honestly is highly valued... Why is she becoming everything she said she wasn't and why is she even willing to kill my heart but not his, only because I gave my all? That was all I only did, why?

God am I the problem? I'm sorry for making her an obsession, and I'm sorry to neglect you, but you're always my first love, I promise... Just that she is so real but why would she trade me, someone who is real to her with someone virtual? Does learning a language bring her closer to him, that she changed so much...if she can do this would she even be faithful in marriage?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The point of no return

 Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn… wished I can be as cool as that. So, she did it again, and enough is enough; really did me in this time. Don’t understand why people can cheat and I never would. Got to start doing work now, I will try my best. God, if u hear my cries, if you are the God that I had childlike faith in, don’t forget me. Help me with my life and current situation, and in my studies too. Idk what’s wrong with me, I try so hard but always things don’t work out, in every thing and the person that supposedly understands and knows and loves me the most cheated on me, bae forever and you’re always first… but she lied time and time again. Also, God, why am I not successful or bearing fruits no matter how hard to try or work. My dream when young was to earn lots of money for my parents and buy a bmw for dad, childish dreams lol but all I wanted was just to earn enough to pay for family things and get my parents debt free and retire them, which didn’t prove successful and...
Read more

Dear God, why is my life so hard? aren't I a good person? as in I always try my best to help others in my own way... God why is it the girl that loved me, why did her heart get stolen? like why did that even happen when u put us together? why did u allow it? ik all things good come from you but why do you also allow bad things to happen

She said, 'i appreciate you too but sometime you do too much fr'.. Cos when u love people, you do things for them. I mean I do love ppl in general but some ppl just cannot, like e.g. difficult ppl. That's what I learnt, u can't just care and love ppl, many ppl are driven by their own selfishness and many ppl don't really care about others, mostly it is just for themselves. But I really just wanted to make your life better and make you happy and feel loved, and always to be there for you... Idk until things happened beyond my control. You understand right? Like u even forgot our dates and all. I don't blame you cos if I were you as I said I probably would get sucked in too.. esp when there are so many emotions involved starting from sympathy and all. I honestly don't blame you and ik how you feel in all this, I really do. The question is don't be really love you or he just loved the list for you, because if he really did it wouldn't be just that but h...
Read more

about bullies, because I am sick of them.

Here is a very good write up about what the Bible says about bullies https://goingfarther.net/life-issues/bullying/ Also for love, love between man and woman, husband and wife:  From Ephesians 5, 6: Walk in Love 5 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them; 8 for at one time you were da...
Read more