God help me to trust my life with you

God, bloggie...

Dear God, 

'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight' - Proverbs 3:5-6

ACTS - Adoration, Contrition, Thankfulness, Supplication 

A

Dear God, you are the God who is the creator of Heaven and Earth, the one who is my God from the beginning of my life. The God of love in the Bible who sent Jesus Christ, your son to come down to this Earth to die for our sins. The all powerful, almighty and all knowing God... I thank you for everything in my life, help me to be appreciative of the things and people I have in my life. Abba father in heaven, what can I do to live a life that's pleasing to you? 

C

God you know my thoughts and hearts desire, please forgive me for my manifold sins and wickedness. Holy Spirit, reveal yourself to me as I take this time to pray with you and rededicate my life to you, because I want to do good. God, forgive me for keeping on wasting time, I wish and I hope I can be a better person myself, also God, right now honestly I'm sad and lost. Lord, one of my hearts desire is to be married, maybe I never told u or asked u specifically enough, but I do want to get married. Lord, I know you that nothing happens by chance in life, I am firstly thankful for knowing Sara Pejic, idk but you showed me that she's the one I've been searching for all these years.. she ticks everything that's good in you, less some things which are not important, also thank you for time spent although sometimes I wonder if I've wasted time, but your words spoke through her that it'll be all worth it and to trust you and Lord I wanna ask, cos she literally said trust you and I'll probably have her, 'maybe me', well Lord, I know that all good things come from you and that you would never kill steal or destroy, as that only belongs to the evil one. God I don't know why this has to happen when it is good, and you know it is, and I'm sure she even knows, even if she keeps denying it, but it is what it is and I'm sure you were with us God... Only not sure why Satan must come to destroy what could have been good, in you. The only thing Lord is I have sinned by doing things with her in some ways and for this I ask for forgiveness, as u said marriage is scared, father I'm terribly sorry.. I do not treat her as an object but someone u brought into my life to love and hold, just that after doing it together with her I realise my sin so much so that I can't with another... Because I do want real intimacy and so there is no way I can do with another and please forgive me for this.. probably with her I can believe all would be well as you've shown me... We're so alike in many ways, a bit naughty inside but yk Lord, idk why this has to happen to me and how she can choose another after all we done and enjoyed and was good; I could see it in her eyes, her actions, words and body, it doesn't lie..also idk how she can choose something she said she'll never get into again and virtual cos of spark and lust and not something that is real and true.. maybe she wasnt so honest at first but i do know she enjoyed every moment we were together, to even fall asleep on top of me so fast 😭 but God, forgive me for not trusting u and making matters worse between us... exactly what satan wants, to kill and destroy us so she can have something that u do not want for her. God, help me to trust you and her words, help her to see and not be blinded by what u actually want for her. I'm sorry I'm not good but I will obey you. I just pray God, that if it's your will for anything to be good, that in your time it'll happen, cos I'm willing to wait for this person that you've put in my life, just help me and help her, keep her safe for me 🙏

God also sorry for the exams, I sort of lost hope, even change the exam date when I have no time. Sorry for being so distracted, I hope we can continue to help one another but God i need to focus on you, forgive me for neglecting you and making her an obsession, I'm really sorry God... I pray, please do not take her away from me but God if it's your will, touch her heart before things get deeper with the other, help her to see that I truely love her and that you truly love her God. God I need your grace to complete this exam period... Anatomy physiology and immunology.. God I ask again why I even failed histology, was it even fair that time when I put in all the effort I could? Why did I still fail? Why did I fail because I couldn't recall the name during the exam, even tho I studied and I know it? I just have one thing to ask, by your grace and mercy and your love for me, God just as you put me here, see me through, I claim psalm 91, I need you... I hope just as I came here and dropped everything, you'll see me through, and for my future I will serve you, please God, if Sara really wants to serve you too, help her to see that I'm the one you put in her life and not another, help her to feel the love that you want her to feel. Spark or no spark but something special, grow the love for me in her heart again; God I may not find another who could love me as much, and I do want a family as her and didn't I show her how much I care and all? Is it not enough for her, help me to be, help her to see.. Lord let the other guy drop out cos I don't need Sara as much as him, if he can do such things online, ask so many times, also has many other girls, why must he fight with me for her, if he can find another when she says no, if he can keep dropping her before and if he said he'll be able to remain friends then why? God hear my pure and deep cries, I need Sara to be better and grow with u, to really live life... I promise to love and treasure her... Just, Lord, help her to see what's real and true, see the sacrifices and all I did ever for her, I'm sure I did the most in this...God am I not handsome for her to say she loves me for my features and all? I know I may be much older, but God chances in life don't happen and i can see that this would only help the both of us to be better, I'm sorry God that I'm not tall or young enough for her liking, or maybe looks wise. God, I need you, I need her, I really do.

God help me with whatever it is for this 3 subjects, anatomy, physiology and immunology... Also keep providing me with whatever I need to pass it, hopefully with a good grade for your glory.. I'm going to study not just for exams but to be a good doctor for you, so please help me ok, just only cos all my life I want to please u too. maybe not in my actions and behaviours as much but I will, esp with Sara's support. God if u brought us together, do not let anything on this Earth, neither satan or another human, tear us apart. Sorry I didn't pray for this relationship earlier but now God I commit and surrender and I trust this relationship with you.

T

As mentioned I'm thankful for everything in my life, thank you for keeping my family safe, providing for us, God somehow please make all things work out as you promised for the good of those who love him.. like to pray for selling the house and clinic, like to pray for my friendship with Sara, help her to see that it's ok to be friends first then lovers, and let her see that if it's your will, our marriage will last only because we have you in it.

God help me to be thankful for what I have (wasn't that what she said? 😭) help me to be able to do and perform what I need this June, I want to honour you and my parents.

God remove any bad thoughts, dark thoughts in my head, I want to live for you not sin, oh one reason why I need her is not to sin, I'm tired God, help me have the discipline not to have pleasures when I'm still single, somehow, but yk God, I really need her, cos I can't with another after all we did.. I want intimacy as u said, in your mercies, Lord, hear my cries 

S

Great God, abba father, you know my cries and cares, I commit to you. I commit Sara to you too, she really needs you during this period and I will not stress her anymore, help her to see me as the love of her life somehow... I mean I know she does just don't have the feeling she mentioned, which is really sad cos ik she wants it and I didn't give it to her 😭 you know God, we both want it just that it was really hard for me to profess it but God in your time, if it's your will, bring us together cos I'll always love her and be loyal, one is for the sake not not sinking against you anymore with another, cos I can't and I really value intimacy and since it's with her I honestly can't have another. So only if it's your will God, cos u can change ppl's hest and I believe in it, your power.. just gonna love her as a Christian brother would. Open her eyes and heart God to see what you want for her and what's good for her. Help Sora God, too, idk God but can I ask for your help with him too, in your ways, DW anything bad with him... but only cos I know I can do my best for this girl that he won't and God just cos I love you please hear my cries. please help me somehow, I sacrificed so much, is it not enough? If Sara can do this to me, when she is so kind how? Am I just a bad human, can't she have compassion upon me like how she treated him?😭

God I pray for strength and focus to study, not to waste time, to finish and be prepared for my exams, I commit every single topic to your hands, wisdom and understanding, help my Brain to be able to link everything together, this marvelous creation of yours, humans... Help me to do good and well for your glory now and in the future. God I do not want to be alone forever, help her to see you in this trip and see me in a different light as a Christian brother who really loves her an needs someone, her. 🙏

God, gonna eat and study, I pray from now on for your favour, forgive my sins, cleans me as white as snow... Dw to waste my life anymore, from my heart